The Importance of Being Married
My wife, Gail Donnelly and I met at a WRIB (Women for Information, Recreation & Business) Halloween dance on October 31, 1998. I attended with a very dear friend, Judy Cummings. My straight friend, Judy, and I had decided to just go out and have some fun dancing. We also decided to come dressed “as ourselves’. Thankfully, so did Gail. That made things so much easier and therefore, no surprises! We had a great time and even “closed” the dance.
Fast forward to Saturday, June 3, 2000 when Gail and I were married at Gatsby’s Restaurant in Toronto. Rev. Brent Hawkes, the senior pastor of Metropolitan Community Church of Toronto (MCCToronto) and Rev. Mary Joseph, associate pastor of Metropolitan Community Church Christos performed the service.
Gail and I are members of MCCToronto. Gail is the Coordinator of the Greeter/Usher ministry and I am a Deacon and Coordinator of Programming.
A friend of ours from the Unity Church provided a wonderful order of service that spoke to both the love that Gail and I have for each other and the serious commitment that this ceremony represented.
I have two grown children, Jessica and Christopher, from a previous marriage who stood with me as Gail and I exchanged vows. And Gail’s father and mother were at her side. We were surrounded by at least 100 friends and family. After the service, we had the usual cutting of the cake and the claiming of the garter and rounded out the celebrations with dancing to a local DJ.
It was truly a wonderful moment. We were surrounded by so many people who love and support us in being who we are. They came from all walks of life. Our friends straight, gay or transgender were there to celebrate with us. We felt amazingly blessed. Our wedding was followed by a fabulous 10-day honeymoon on Vancouver Island.
Shortly after our honeymoon, we read an article in PlanetOut that spoke of a court challenge to legalize marriage in Toronto. Having just had our celebration, the opportunity to be a part of something like a court challenge spoke directly to us. We wanted to become involved, to make a difference.
We contacted Martha McCarthy & Joanna Radbord, legal counsel for the group that were involved in the court challenge and asked if we could be a part of it. The process had begun!
The next step was to physically apply for a marriage license at Toronto City Hall. We did that, with Joanna by our side. The clerk politely accepted the application and we were told that there would be no action taken until there had been a decision made by the court. We filed our affidavits with the other applicants and have been following the process, which can be particularly slow.
On Sunday, December 3, 2000, the senior pastor, Rev. Brent Hawkes, stood up and announced that the church would be challenging both the federal and provincial governments on the legalization of marriage of same sex couples. (The day before, Brent had phoned to ask our permission to use our names as part of this announcement. We, of course, heartily concurred.) They would be using the church’s ancient right to perform legal marriages within the church. And they would be challenging the wording of the Ontario Marriage Act, which states that marriage consists of “two persons”.
There are two ways to be legally married in this country. One is to apply for a license at City Hall license with a wedding ceremony performed by a Justice of the Peace and the other is to have a ceremony in a church.
Church law far predates the intervention of the state in issuing marriage licenses. The pastor has the legal right to marry couples that indicate their intention to marry. The process involves the publication of banns at three consecutive Sunday worship services prior to the marriage. The banns are a simple declaration by the pastor that Joe Smith and Ann Jones plan to marry on a chosen date. The congregation is then asked if there is any lawful objection to them getting married. A lawful objection would exist if the participants were underage, marrying an immediate relative, e.g. mother/father, sister/brother, or they had been married and divorced. If there were no objections, the marriage would take place on the chosen date. At the conclusion, of that marriage ceremony, the couple would be legally married and the pastor would issue them a legal marriage certificate. This certificate would then be submitted to the Registrar General’s office for registration by the province.
The response to Brent’s announcement was one of overwhelming excitement and joy. And we were prepared to support the cause in any way that we could.
The following day, we received a call from Brent asking us if we would be available to speak to a Globe and Mail reporter. “Of course,” was the response! That interview resulted in a very positive and supportive editorial a couple of days later. That was followed by interviews with the National Post, CBC TV, CITY TV as well as CHML Radio in Hamilton.
However, the disappointing fact was because I had been married and divorced, Gail and I would not be one of the first same sex couples to participate in MCCToronto’s challenge to the legislation.
We felt we were exactly where we were meant to be, that we were in this for the long haul. The issue of same sex marriage is very much about love, respect, equality and fairness for Gail and me. It is very important for us to be who we are. We believe that we are not separate or any less than anyone else. We have a right to be here just the way God created us and that we belong here equally with everyone else. It is healthy to be different yet the same. We are a society that talks about embracing diversity. And this action is about embracing that diversity.
It was an incredible time! We talked with some wonderful people in the media who fully supported us on our journey of equality, respect and acceptance. We were able to support the cause and to stand up for what we believed. We were able to “walk” the “talk” and to honour some of our most cherished values. The love and support from many people continues to be overwhelmingly positive. The civil challenge we are a part of now moves forward as one with the MCCToronto case into the Divisional Court in downtown Toronto from November 5th through to November 9th. It is truly an exciting time to be alive! No matter what the outcome, we have committed to staying the course for as long as it takes. We are here for the long term!