Staring Down the Mirror|
By Melissa Patterson
A Personal Perspective
PICTURE THIS...You wake up in the morning two hours before class to work out because if you don't you can't eat a treat today.
You change, the mirror is unavoidable so you look. Of course you don't like what you see, bulges and skin flabs everywhere - now you're in a down mood. You go and workout. If you don't sweat enough you feel lazy. You compare yourself to everyone else - there are a lot of people skinnier than yourself at the gym. You feel worse.
You go to eat lunch, which is your first meal of the day. Salad and a sandwich is your choice. Because you worked out you can eat a cookie with minimal guilt. You wish you were like that person that can eat greasy food and stay thin.
You go to class and think about dinner.
You decide to treat yourself to french fries- it's been a while. A friend jokes, "eating healthy, eh?!"
You look at their salad and think to yourself that you should have eaten that. Then you feel guilty for the rest of the day.
You go home and get ready to go out for the night. Everyone else is dressed in tight- fitting, skimpy bar clothes. You couldn't imagine wearing that, you're too fat. So you wear baggier clothes. You go to the bar and overhear some males discussing how 'hot' that female is, the thin one with the tight pants and short top. You feel worse.
You go home and everyone orders pizza. You have mastered the art of chewing it and spitting it out just so you can taste it but not digest the fat.
Then you change for bed and look in the mirror. Your cheeks look chubbier and your stomach has grown. You think you should work out longer tomorrow.
The cycle repeats itself.
An added bonus is when you don't work out and still eat junk food. When this happens, the guilt is overwhelming - to the point of feeling sick to your stomach. Your friend tells you she has been bulimic for a while, and all you can think is that you wish you had the will power to do the same. You have never liked your body, always thought you were overweight, and you figure it's normal because you've never known anything different.
This was me in first and second year. I have since graduated and I have come a long way. I now have more good days than bad days. If you feel similar, or know someone who does and would like to talk about it, contact the Wellness Centre at ext. 53327, they will be able to help you out.
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