Growing up on a small island in the Caribbean, I never imagined a PhD was in the realm of possibilities for me. I didn't even know what that was. However, now living in Canada, and while writing my dissertation, the journey that led me here is one I am incredibly grateful for. I was always very passionate about education and youth experiences. This led me to take a random elective titled ‘Children, Youth, and the Law’ in my third year of my undergraduate degree in Children’s Health. What I didn't know then, was that this course would alter the trajectory of my life. I loved this course so much, I knew I wanted to stay in this field.
This led me to pursue my master’s in criminology at the University of Guelph. Still, a PhD was not a serious thought in my mind. However, I always told myself if I found a research topic I loved enough, I would consider it. Again, another simple conversation with a professor altered the trajectory of my life as I was once researching the welfare-to-prison pipeline but didn't have a strong passion for this topic. He suggested the school-to-prison-pipeline and while I had never heard about this topic, after that day, I never looked back. It sparked this deep passion for research, particularly on youth justice and that spark has never dimmed.
I knew from that moment, I wanted to talk to youth about their experiences in the youth criminal justice system. It was a combination of both my degrees and areas of interest in Children’s Health and Criminology. I was going to do this. However, I was told in my master’s that this would not be a realistic possibility as it would take extremely long for this study to be approved due to the vulnerability of youth participants. I was strongly advised to keep this study for a PhD otherwise I would be in school a lot longer than necessary for my master’s. I was disappointed, but I kept this idea close to my heart and was determined to carry it out one day.
The passion and determination I had to conduct this research led me to pursue my PhD. My first year of the PhD was a bit intimidating considering that the degree was in Sociology and I had never taken a Sociology course, but again I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to talk to youth, so my determination kept me going. During this time, I also noticed none of the research on the school-to-prison pipeline, or any for that matter, included youth and their perspectives, although these issues directly affected them. I couldn't understand how or why this was the case, but I soon realized exactly why.
I initially thought getting my Ethics application approved would be the hardest part about conducting a study with youth participants and while this was challenging to say the least, it was only the tip of the iceberg. Finding participants proved to be a much harder challenge. Many people suggested an alternative study talking to adults who experienced this in the past, but this was not what I wanted to do. I wanted to talk to youth.
I began calling every youth justice agency I could find. I remember the first call very clearly. It was to my dream organization, and I was incredibly nervous, only for the person on the other end of the line to be abrupt and hang up before I even had a chance to explain my study. I felt so defeated. I was even told by a representative from the Ministry of Children, Community and Social Services that this study would likely not be approved, or at the very least it could take months before my application was even reviewed. I started to wonder if this study was even possible, but after some tears, I kept calling.
I called countless organizations and I even went back to the same dream organization and sent an email in the hopes it would reach the right person, and it did. It eventually found the supervisor in charge, who was incredibly supportive and willing to have her organization participate in my study. She helped me tremendously, and through her support I was able to speak with several youth participants. There were only six of them, but after the journey it took to get there, those six felt like gold to me.
Doing a PhD is tough, and it can be tougher when not everyone understands the often-overlooked challenges we face on a daily basis: lengthy Ethics applications, long wait times, difficulties finding participants, and even becoming a salesperson on the phone while you try to pitch your study. However, if you know what you want to do and have a dream, keep persisting against all odds. Even when the path seems impossible, determination and perseverance can take you farther than you ever imagined.